God's Timing - WOW

We got the news about two weeks ago that our son was in trouble with the law and no longer in the boy's home my husband had taken him to. We have both been saddened by what he has done and yet we know that God is working in his life and in ours. We have come to realize that we needed to release him to God. I'm amazed as I look at what God has done in our home over the last few years. My husband and I were not on the same page about what needed to happen regarding our son. I decided to be patient and wait for him to realize what I knew. Was I totally silent? Was I frustrated? Was I discouraged? Did I feel like "making him see it my way?" No, to totally silent but yes to the rest of the questions and even more questions.

I did bring up the subject once in awhile. I worked hard to not be a "nag." My husband says that I wasn't. I was VERY frustarted that he couldn't see what I saw. I learned to keep quiet about this most of the time. Yep, I'm not perfect in anything I resolve to do or be. Some days, I was so discouraged!! I didn't know how much longer I could stay "stuck" in the in between. And yet, I'm still here "stuck in the in between" and coping with it well most of the time. It has made it easier to stay "stuck" since my husband has seen what the situation really was. Occasionally, I'd try to make him "see it my way." This wasn't very productive. He needed to experience his own coming to that point.

My husband needed to see what was "sick" after our second attempt at finding him help in another boys home. He went to work when our son was home (before the first home and in the five months he was home before we found the second home). Going to work gave him a reprieve from the chaos I was dealing with every day. When our son was going to be "kicked out" of another home for his behavior, my husband & a friend drove to pick him up. There was no way he could come home. BECAUSE...

In the meantime, God broke my leg!!! YES!!! I see this as a method God took to direct us. My husband had had an opportunity through this to understand how much more vulnerable I was to our sons antics. My balance has been off since I broke my leg. At 8-9 years of age, our son had started physically pushing me. At 14, he could've easily knocked me over. If he could do this, he would develop a greater sense of power to be used over people. My husband has spent a lot of time in the last 15 months caring for me, helping me with what I'm unable to do, encouraging me to do more when he sees I can, helping me make progress in healing. And not just the physical healing. There have been many things that we have talked through since "I broke." It has been GOOD!!!

I've sensed for a number of years that our son only sees us as a "way to reconnect with his sister." This would be damaging for BOTH children. I can't prevent it and yet, it is unhealthy for this to be what our relationship with our son is about. For us AND FOR HIM. We don't know where his sister is and I'm fine with that. I know that he won't accept that. All he talked about in the five months home was wanting his sister. And, he acted out in deeper ways. That showed us we can't be family.

In releasing him to God, I'm trusting God to do what is needed in his life to bring him to HIM. I have no control over what our son thinks about, chooses to do, responds to. I know that God is a MUCH better parent for him than I could ever be. He is ALWAYS LOVING... I fail at that. HE has the POWER to CHANGE a LIFE... I don't. Yes, I can be used and yet I feel at peace about "letting go to let God."

Do I wish I hadn't broken my leg??? ABSOLUTELY!!! But, I'm content in knowing that God was in charge of this event in my life. I know that HE is preparing us for a future that I only dream about. We both have thoughts on how we want to serve God and wait to see what he brings to us.