The past year has been incredibly hard and extremely rewarding. In being in my mid-50's and an incredibly eventful year, it has been a time of rethinking many areas of life. A time of thinking about the goals/desires/needs I have in life. A time to go within and evaluate what I value. It's been a year of doing things I didn't want to do and a year of growing in our marriage.
Eventful??? A bad break of my leg. A deer hitting our van and totaling it. Buying a vehicle that we can use to pull a trailer and adding a car payment. We did more driving to do things we enjoy in the last year than we normally do. We are talking about getting a new travel trailer. Our old one is 37 years old and the wood is soft. So, we've been looking. Both of us each had a month of being pretty sick. Thankfully, we did this separately....
Over the last few years we have enjoyed having one child at a time of some friends come to visit us for awhile. This last year it was hard to do this. This is something we want to do more. Eventually, we'd love to do the same with our grandkids.
My husband said after I broke my leg that he wanted to retire in 2-5 years. We are now at 1-? years - lol. We have talked a lot about what we want retirement to look like. We still have many things to discuss.
We are changing how we handle things with our adoptive son. We know he can't come home. He has been in two homes for boys who have difficulties. First one said he couldn't return when he was home on a visit. Second one was wanting him to leave because he could cause legal trouble for them due to his anger.
My husband has helped me incredibly in the household running. My weight has increased dramatically. I'm doing more of what I don't want to do so much of and less of what I desire to do. I've been on the computer way too much and watched SO MUCH TV. I never thought I'd be totally bored with this lifestyle.
Rewarding??? Changes in our marriage as I haven't been able to do. At first my husband had to do just about everything for me. When you need that much help, it is good to find reasons to laugh. Did you know that men & women pull their pants up differently??? Being on pain meds when I was so helpless brought words out of my mouth I never considering uttering. We have had a lot of fun....
We are discovering more how to disagree while being agreeable. We joke that I'm always right. But when I know I'm wrong, my husband say that my "rightness just isn't complete yet." When we were younger, we thought everything was so much more important than we realize now.
Changes??? I really need to get my weight down so that I can be more active. I've also had a lot of trouble with heartburn. I'm making some big changes to how I eat. My heartburn has been much better with these changes. I've also started to drop a few pounds.
We decided to get a puppy. We did this just as I was finishing up with physical therapy. I was doing pretty well but ended up mostly on the couch for a month. That took me backwards.... Sigh.... Then hubby had about a month on the couch too. The puppy has been a lot of fun but a lot of hard work.
What do I want to do??? Well the list seems to just keep getting longer.... Since I no longer have kids in the house to homeschool, I want to homeschool myself. I really enjoyed learning along with the kids. Understanding things I hadn't grasped as a child.
I'm trying to return to blogging. I'm having more trouble figuring out how to start blogs than a few years back. So much has changed. I have too many things that I want to share. One thing is to video "classes" that I can post. I have a lot of ideas here.
We need to declutter and organize many areas in our home and life. We have made a little progress in this over the last year. In becoming "handicapped," my husband had to rearrange numerous rooms so that I could gain independence. Then as I could do more, he needed to rearrange again.
I've been writing music a little bit and learning a lot of things that I didn't catch onto as a child. This has been a source of fun that is good for me. I'm learning technique through "doing." I've known that I learn best by doing and this has been such a blessing to me to "rediscover."
I want to "create" areas in our home for certain purposes. The areas I want to "create" have become more clear to me. Work areas. Grandkid areas. Time with God areas. Music areas. Relaxing areas. Travel areas. Pet areas. Just a few that I can think of off the top of my head.
So, a year of not being able to do much, has made me think. Sometimes I think I have too much time on my hands to contemplate my life. But, God gave me a chance to have a break by breaking my leg. He gave me time to think... After I had read a couple of good books that took me down a line of thinking that I was very ready for.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Sunday, August 17, 2014
The Hard Stuff
When you have children, you have dreams for them. We did.... Recently, I've been struck by a song I've been hearing, Dream For You by Casting Crowns. I'll share the lyrics with you & then I'll write on some of the hard things in life.
Hey, David, I hear you've been dreaming
About being a big time shepherd some day
You're gonna prove your brothers wrong
You're gonna sing your shepherd song
To the cattle on a thousand hills
But I've been thinking
I'm having trouble with a giant down the road
You're the one who's going to face him toe to toe
Wipe that grin right off his face
And whip this army into shape
And David, you're right about one thing
Your little shepherd songs are going to make the whole world sing
And I'm gonna make you king
So come on, let Me dream, let Me dream for you
I am strong when you're weak and I'll carry you
So let go of your plan, be caught by My hand
I'll show you what I can do
When I dream for you
I have a dream for you
Hey Mary, I've heard you've been dreaming
Making plans for your big wedding day
You and Joseph are gonna be
The picture perfect family
Maybe a couple of kids down the road
But I've been thinking
Even before time began
I had a picture perfect plan
Of how to save this broken world
Through the life of just one man
I'm gonna send my only Son
And Mary, you're the one
You were right about one thing
You're gonna have that family
And you're gonna raise a King
I'm stronger than you think I am
I'll take you farther than you think you can
You sing and call me Great I Am
So take your stand
My child, if you only knew
All the plans that I have for you
Just trust me, I will follow through
You can follow me
So, here's the thing - Sometimes changes "our" plans in MAJOR & UNEXPECTED WAYS. He's doing that in our home. Life changed so much when we adopted our kiddos. We had been through struggles in our marriage and were at a better place. We expected to be able to keep moving forward. This didn't happen as we expected. Our kids were so much harder to raise than our other kids. We soon discovered it was harder than we expected and the strain was intense. The problems they had were beyond our ability to handle. Older kids grown and on to college. It was clear we needed to figure out how to help the younger ones. We poured ourselves into this and it hurt us. When parents are in too deep, they crash. I was doing that since I was the "stay at home" mom. We discovered our daughter had been abusing our son. Ended up relinquishing to give him a chance. Therapies and meds had been part of our lives for years and this continued. He became aggressive. Long story short; he is in his second boy's home and they want him out. We realize that if two homes that have staff say they can't handle him, how can we. We need to relinquish him too.
As we've come to this point (me long before my husband), we have gone through changes in ourselves and in our marriage. We are growing in ways that we never had before. We still have things to work through but we have realized that there is SO MUCH more in life for us. God is bringing new dreams. New ideas on ministry for us. We accept our limitations better. We understand that God has a plan that we couldn't see. We are still waiting for Him to show us and direct us to what He has for us. This song resonated SO MUCH with me because of all I and we have been processing. We have each had to process things on our own timetable and then when we are both ready, we can process them together.
It has been interesting to come to this point in life of "not planning" our own future. To give it up to God until He directs us. I believe He IS directing us. Just not sure exactly where. The last nine months have been a time to many changes.
Changes??? I broke my leg on October 14. I had surgery on the 15th. My recovery has been more difficult than I could've imagined. I'd broken my ankle over 20 years ago and it was much easier. I've come to terms with my age more - just not as young as I used to be. It was also a worse break. My husband took quite a bit of time off to help me. We have discovered that we enjoy being together more. We laugh at things we never used to. It's been good. And, hey, it's come with some benefits.
My husband has now set a time range for retiring. We are thinking more about how to be prepared to retire. We are changing the way we do some things. I have to chuckle over one of the things that happened. We went to Montana for Thanksgiving. On the way home a deer LITERALLY jumped in front of our van. It was totaled. So what do we do? We buy the SUV that we needed but didn't feel we could afford. Yes, we went from no car payments to having them. But, one of our dreams in retiring is to travel with our trailer. Our suburban was a mess and everytime we went anywhere with it my husband ended up doing repairs on it on the trip. We have traveled quite a bit since I broke my leg; it is never easy on my body. But, we want to see our family. We have more family we want to see and hope to get another trip soon. Or two or three. Can you see that we go with the flow easier. Life is good when we aren't the ones doing all the planning. Going with the flow means that we are more available to be WHO God created us to be. This is one of the biggest blessings that could come out of pain. YES!!! Pain has brought about a deeper desire to be HIS.
Hey, David, I hear you've been dreaming
About being a big time shepherd some day
You're gonna prove your brothers wrong
You're gonna sing your shepherd song
To the cattle on a thousand hills
But I've been thinking
I'm having trouble with a giant down the road
You're the one who's going to face him toe to toe
Wipe that grin right off his face
And whip this army into shape
And David, you're right about one thing
Your little shepherd songs are going to make the whole world sing
And I'm gonna make you king
So come on, let Me dream, let Me dream for you
I am strong when you're weak and I'll carry you
So let go of your plan, be caught by My hand
I'll show you what I can do
When I dream for you
I have a dream for you
Hey Mary, I've heard you've been dreaming
Making plans for your big wedding day
You and Joseph are gonna be
The picture perfect family
Maybe a couple of kids down the road
But I've been thinking
Even before time began
I had a picture perfect plan
Of how to save this broken world
Through the life of just one man
I'm gonna send my only Son
And Mary, you're the one
You were right about one thing
You're gonna have that family
And you're gonna raise a King
I'm stronger than you think I am
I'll take you farther than you think you can
You sing and call me Great I Am
So take your stand
My child, if you only knew
All the plans that I have for you
Just trust me, I will follow through
You can follow me
So, here's the thing - Sometimes changes "our" plans in MAJOR & UNEXPECTED WAYS. He's doing that in our home. Life changed so much when we adopted our kiddos. We had been through struggles in our marriage and were at a better place. We expected to be able to keep moving forward. This didn't happen as we expected. Our kids were so much harder to raise than our other kids. We soon discovered it was harder than we expected and the strain was intense. The problems they had were beyond our ability to handle. Older kids grown and on to college. It was clear we needed to figure out how to help the younger ones. We poured ourselves into this and it hurt us. When parents are in too deep, they crash. I was doing that since I was the "stay at home" mom. We discovered our daughter had been abusing our son. Ended up relinquishing to give him a chance. Therapies and meds had been part of our lives for years and this continued. He became aggressive. Long story short; he is in his second boy's home and they want him out. We realize that if two homes that have staff say they can't handle him, how can we. We need to relinquish him too.
As we've come to this point (me long before my husband), we have gone through changes in ourselves and in our marriage. We are growing in ways that we never had before. We still have things to work through but we have realized that there is SO MUCH more in life for us. God is bringing new dreams. New ideas on ministry for us. We accept our limitations better. We understand that God has a plan that we couldn't see. We are still waiting for Him to show us and direct us to what He has for us. This song resonated SO MUCH with me because of all I and we have been processing. We have each had to process things on our own timetable and then when we are both ready, we can process them together.
It has been interesting to come to this point in life of "not planning" our own future. To give it up to God until He directs us. I believe He IS directing us. Just not sure exactly where. The last nine months have been a time to many changes.
Changes??? I broke my leg on October 14. I had surgery on the 15th. My recovery has been more difficult than I could've imagined. I'd broken my ankle over 20 years ago and it was much easier. I've come to terms with my age more - just not as young as I used to be. It was also a worse break. My husband took quite a bit of time off to help me. We have discovered that we enjoy being together more. We laugh at things we never used to. It's been good. And, hey, it's come with some benefits.
My husband has now set a time range for retiring. We are thinking more about how to be prepared to retire. We are changing the way we do some things. I have to chuckle over one of the things that happened. We went to Montana for Thanksgiving. On the way home a deer LITERALLY jumped in front of our van. It was totaled. So what do we do? We buy the SUV that we needed but didn't feel we could afford. Yes, we went from no car payments to having them. But, one of our dreams in retiring is to travel with our trailer. Our suburban was a mess and everytime we went anywhere with it my husband ended up doing repairs on it on the trip. We have traveled quite a bit since I broke my leg; it is never easy on my body. But, we want to see our family. We have more family we want to see and hope to get another trip soon. Or two or three. Can you see that we go with the flow easier. Life is good when we aren't the ones doing all the planning. Going with the flow means that we are more available to be WHO God created us to be. This is one of the biggest blessings that could come out of pain. YES!!! Pain has brought about a deeper desire to be HIS.
Monday, July 28, 2014
The Challenges of Life
Nine months ago I broke my leg. I was told it would take a year to get back to normal. This has been the biggest physical challenge I've ever had. When I landed on the ground, my first thought was: "I don't know what I just did to myself, but I know God is going to work through this." That is what a lot of challenges throughout my life have come to be about. For many years, I didn't see them that way. I saw them as "problems" rather than "growth" opportunities.
God has taken our marriage through more BIG changes with me "being handicapped." I'm learning to depend on my husband in new ways. We have had some good times of laughing, teasing & joking about "new" things that have been part of our relationship. At first, I had a hard time even getting myself dressed. Believe me, when things change from you adjusting your own clothes to your husband adjusting them for you, you just might say things you never thought you'd say. Being on pain meds probably contributed to me being less inhibited. Well, yeah, they did. But the "fun" has continued. We are more "free" with each other in our communication. There are ways to be honest without insulting when what you have to say can be taken wrong. We both understand better that the other isn't intending to hurt us.
We got a new puppy about the time I was starting to walk better. I also ended up with bronchitis and sat for about a month to keep from coughing. This took me backwards. I've struggled to not focus on being discouraged off & on since then. I have worked to be intentional about keeping my attitude positive. Some days are hard when the puppy has lots of "accidents." Or when we had to travel a lot when I was still in a lot of pain. I wanted to go most of the places we went; it was just hard. The hardest was looking for a new vehicle when our van was totalled by hitting a deer. Yes, the last year has had quite a few challenges. But, it's been good. Now, I mostly deal with sore muscles as I build them back up. This is one area where I really try to tell myself frequently that this is a good sign.
Lately, I've been thinking more & more about what & where God is taking us. I've really been seeing that He is preparing us for Him. What does that mean? Well, for one thing.... If God wants us to move or go forward in some area of ministry, we want to be ready to follow Him. To be ready to be the people that God created, who He has taken through challenges to grow us to be more effective for him. Learning to praise Him in EVERY circumstance. To model Him, so that others can find Him or grow in Him.
My life is different than I thought it would be at the age of 56. I know & understand some things that I didn't think I would. I also know that I have a lot to learn. I'm enjoying that journey.... How about you? Are you enjoying the journey of challenges? Or do you dread them coming/being in your life? I used to; I understand. I just know that I'm having fun as I learn to enjoy the things that are difficult.
God has taken our marriage through more BIG changes with me "being handicapped." I'm learning to depend on my husband in new ways. We have had some good times of laughing, teasing & joking about "new" things that have been part of our relationship. At first, I had a hard time even getting myself dressed. Believe me, when things change from you adjusting your own clothes to your husband adjusting them for you, you just might say things you never thought you'd say. Being on pain meds probably contributed to me being less inhibited. Well, yeah, they did. But the "fun" has continued. We are more "free" with each other in our communication. There are ways to be honest without insulting when what you have to say can be taken wrong. We both understand better that the other isn't intending to hurt us.
We got a new puppy about the time I was starting to walk better. I also ended up with bronchitis and sat for about a month to keep from coughing. This took me backwards. I've struggled to not focus on being discouraged off & on since then. I have worked to be intentional about keeping my attitude positive. Some days are hard when the puppy has lots of "accidents." Or when we had to travel a lot when I was still in a lot of pain. I wanted to go most of the places we went; it was just hard. The hardest was looking for a new vehicle when our van was totalled by hitting a deer. Yes, the last year has had quite a few challenges. But, it's been good. Now, I mostly deal with sore muscles as I build them back up. This is one area where I really try to tell myself frequently that this is a good sign.
Lately, I've been thinking more & more about what & where God is taking us. I've really been seeing that He is preparing us for Him. What does that mean? Well, for one thing.... If God wants us to move or go forward in some area of ministry, we want to be ready to follow Him. To be ready to be the people that God created, who He has taken through challenges to grow us to be more effective for him. Learning to praise Him in EVERY circumstance. To model Him, so that others can find Him or grow in Him.
My life is different than I thought it would be at the age of 56. I know & understand some things that I didn't think I would. I also know that I have a lot to learn. I'm enjoying that journey.... How about you? Are you enjoying the journey of challenges? Or do you dread them coming/being in your life? I used to; I understand. I just know that I'm having fun as I learn to enjoy the things that are difficult.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Connection to Facebook - My Blogs
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Friday, May 23, 2014
Avoiding Fights In Marriage
I've been thinking about changes in marriage. One of the things that my husband had problems with for a long time was fighting. We don't fight anymore. Do we have problems to solve? Yes. Do we agree on everything? No Do we feel intense emotions at times? Yes. We've been married over 30 years and we have been through a lot of very hard things. But, we enjoy life together more now than ever.
How do we avoid fighting, you may ask? I'm going to give you tips that I have learned. But first, I'd like to share with you things that you may want to look at. I had to take a look at my past and work through how I grew up. I also had things that were hard as an adult that I've looked at and am still working through. It takes time to process things from the past. Gradually, I've become more comfortable with who I am as I've faced what I came from. My husband had things he needed to face too, but it was harder for him to look at them. He has looked at these things in more recent years. I started the process early in our marriage. With both of us seeing our past in a new light, it has been easier. Now, I couldn't MAKE him look at his life. I tried that.
One of the things we have had to face in our marriage is our emotional struggles. I became depressed very early in our marriage. I needed medication. This isn't the case for all people. Some choose to try natural methods for aiding with the emotions. I tried that for awhile too. All I know is that sometimes it can make a big difference if your body/brain are in sync. My husband was diagnosed with ADD a few years ago. Meds for this has been very helpful in his ability to process & focus.
If one or the other person won't compromise, this can create problems. Both of us tended to think we were right and knew the best way to do things. When we finally realized that the other person had valuable input, it was much easier to talk through how to handle what we were struggling with. Sometimes we need to compromise and other times we just need to understand the other person. It might be a need that the other person has. It might be that you are doing something that is a trigger. You may not even know that it triggers something in your spouse. Most of the time, we can adjust out of love for the other person. Both of us have worked on doing this. This helps to heal wounds in the heart & soul.
I learned that it was best to not respond in the instant moment of my anger. I took time to cool down and to process what was bothering me. I have to be careful to not rile myself up more. I've discovered that timing my need to talk to my husband is a bit tricky. I need to cool down but if I avoid the problem too long, my emotions build. Not every situation is the same in how I need to time it. I need to keep a check on my emotions and I also need to pay attention to where my husband is too. I have found it's best to have already tried to think through my husband's side of whatever issue I'm wanting to talk about.
Now, there are a couple of things that help the ability to talk. I try to look for timing and to approach gently. My husband usually asks if it's a good time for me to talk. It is easy to start making accusations and blame the other person. When I can describe how I feel in a situation, it takes some of the pressure off my husband. When we can ask questions from what we heard to hear better & more, communication is calmer. Sometimes I have to hear him, even if I'm the one who approached.
I've learned that when we apply these principles we live life with a better understanding of each other. We don't fight. We live together with the same goals. And it is easier to be patient when the other person isn't at the same place you are at. Enjoy your life, it's shorter than you think.
How do we avoid fighting, you may ask? I'm going to give you tips that I have learned. But first, I'd like to share with you things that you may want to look at. I had to take a look at my past and work through how I grew up. I also had things that were hard as an adult that I've looked at and am still working through. It takes time to process things from the past. Gradually, I've become more comfortable with who I am as I've faced what I came from. My husband had things he needed to face too, but it was harder for him to look at them. He has looked at these things in more recent years. I started the process early in our marriage. With both of us seeing our past in a new light, it has been easier. Now, I couldn't MAKE him look at his life. I tried that.
One of the things we have had to face in our marriage is our emotional struggles. I became depressed very early in our marriage. I needed medication. This isn't the case for all people. Some choose to try natural methods for aiding with the emotions. I tried that for awhile too. All I know is that sometimes it can make a big difference if your body/brain are in sync. My husband was diagnosed with ADD a few years ago. Meds for this has been very helpful in his ability to process & focus.
If one or the other person won't compromise, this can create problems. Both of us tended to think we were right and knew the best way to do things. When we finally realized that the other person had valuable input, it was much easier to talk through how to handle what we were struggling with. Sometimes we need to compromise and other times we just need to understand the other person. It might be a need that the other person has. It might be that you are doing something that is a trigger. You may not even know that it triggers something in your spouse. Most of the time, we can adjust out of love for the other person. Both of us have worked on doing this. This helps to heal wounds in the heart & soul.
I learned that it was best to not respond in the instant moment of my anger. I took time to cool down and to process what was bothering me. I have to be careful to not rile myself up more. I've discovered that timing my need to talk to my husband is a bit tricky. I need to cool down but if I avoid the problem too long, my emotions build. Not every situation is the same in how I need to time it. I need to keep a check on my emotions and I also need to pay attention to where my husband is too. I have found it's best to have already tried to think through my husband's side of whatever issue I'm wanting to talk about.
Now, there are a couple of things that help the ability to talk. I try to look for timing and to approach gently. My husband usually asks if it's a good time for me to talk. It is easy to start making accusations and blame the other person. When I can describe how I feel in a situation, it takes some of the pressure off my husband. When we can ask questions from what we heard to hear better & more, communication is calmer. Sometimes I have to hear him, even if I'm the one who approached.
I've learned that when we apply these principles we live life with a better understanding of each other. We don't fight. We live together with the same goals. And it is easier to be patient when the other person isn't at the same place you are at. Enjoy your life, it's shorter than you think.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
This morning I sent my husband a text to remind him of a couple of things he'd forgotten yesterday. That got me to thinking about nagging. Uh yep, I'm female and I've been guilty of being a nag.
We women usually want to know that we've been heard. It speaks to the CORE of feeling valued. Men, on the other hand, tend to have one-track minds. Once they leave us & go onto the next thing, They totally focus on that. At work, work is the focus. Fixing the car, that's all they're thinking about. Now, I'm OVER exaggerating a bit here. But, it's pretty much the way they are. I used to fight this and EXPECT him to remember me & think about me ALL the time. I mean, he was on my mind almost all the time. Well, God really did create male & female differently. In accepting that, I do much better as a wife. But, I digress....
Back to nagging. How do I know if I'm being a nag??? THAT was so hard for me to figure out. I didn't think I was bringing something up a lot but he was overwhelmed with my input (on SO MANY THINGS). I even tried notes but those got lost. (I really am married to an "absent minded professor" type of guy)
What I finally got was that to nag, I was usually pretty emotionally invested in what is important to me. That was what drove my nagging. When I learned to step back and think things through, it was easier to approach him calmly. Then we had CONVERSATION.... That was what I had longed for in the beginning. We were able to talk back & forth about what was important and actually REMEMBERED better. Amazingly I felt more valued. And he did too.
Sometimes we think something is really important, especially as moms. We have to remember that a dad has his own unique role as a parent. He has his own unique role as the man of the house. I know I didn't understand that when I was younger. A dad does some things different with his children that we moms don't usually do. These things are just as valuable to our little ones. Yep, he may forget some things. But what is he giving that is more important than what he forgot? Just something to keep in mind....
We women usually want to know that we've been heard. It speaks to the CORE of feeling valued. Men, on the other hand, tend to have one-track minds. Once they leave us & go onto the next thing, They totally focus on that. At work, work is the focus. Fixing the car, that's all they're thinking about. Now, I'm OVER exaggerating a bit here. But, it's pretty much the way they are. I used to fight this and EXPECT him to remember me & think about me ALL the time. I mean, he was on my mind almost all the time. Well, God really did create male & female differently. In accepting that, I do much better as a wife. But, I digress....
Back to nagging. How do I know if I'm being a nag??? THAT was so hard for me to figure out. I didn't think I was bringing something up a lot but he was overwhelmed with my input (on SO MANY THINGS). I even tried notes but those got lost. (I really am married to an "absent minded professor" type of guy)
What I finally got was that to nag, I was usually pretty emotionally invested in what is important to me. That was what drove my nagging. When I learned to step back and think things through, it was easier to approach him calmly. Then we had CONVERSATION.... That was what I had longed for in the beginning. We were able to talk back & forth about what was important and actually REMEMBERED better. Amazingly I felt more valued. And he did too.
Sometimes we think something is really important, especially as moms. We have to remember that a dad has his own unique role as a parent. He has his own unique role as the man of the house. I know I didn't understand that when I was younger. A dad does some things different with his children that we moms don't usually do. These things are just as valuable to our little ones. Yep, he may forget some things. But what is he giving that is more important than what he forgot? Just something to keep in mind....
Sunday, April 27, 2014
No Regrets
Something has been on my mind a lot lately that I'd like to share. I've made a LOT of mistakes in life. I've hurt others, I've hurt myself and most of all I've hurt my witness as a believer in Christ. I've been trying to narrow down what was at the core. I could go on & on naming all the things I did that were wrong. I've done that enough in my head through. Too much....
Let me tell you a bit about the influence I've had the potential of. I've taken care of children since I was 12 years old. I babysat for a neighbor and as I got older, I watched three children all day for the whole week. That was a lot of responsibility as a teen. Then, after marriage we did foster care and I did daycare at various times. We served in our church with young people. I worked in the nursery. We had two children and then adopted two more. Now we have added a daughter-in-law, son-in-law and have four beautiful grandchildren. I want MORE than anything to have a positive influence in their lives. We've had to take some hard steps with our adoptive children. They haven't done well. We tried all we knew and yes, we made mistakes. But that isn't what this is all about. I've learned some things about WHO I've BEEN in the last few years.
THAT is what is important!!! I had standards that I had in place even as a teenager. I had ideals, goals, dreams. I wish I had known then what I know now. All of those ideals, goals and dreams are good; but there are some things that are important to know about these things you have in your head or may have even written down.
Some you need to keep set in concrete and others you need to be willing to sway on. When my husband and I got married, we both had certain ideals. They didn't all match up - imagine that!! It took us WAY too long to learn the art of COMPROMISE. Now, this is a hard one to handle. When you're young, you think everything is a HUGE deal. It's VERY important to think through your list. WHAT has the most value to you?? WHO might be hurt and HOW if you give in on an issue that is important to you.??? WHEN and HOW MUCH giving in is ok?? This one can be tricky. WHY are you giving in??? Is it to "keep a boyfriend?" I did that and paid for it. Is it to keep peace in a relationship??? I did that and ended up going in directions that wounded my soul.
I discovered in the end that when I felt too much shame to face GOD with who I was that I REALLY had a problem. Now, God didn't ask me to feel that shame. It was just the result of not doing things in a way that I knew glorified Him. I knew I'd hurt my witness. I knew I wasn't the woman He created me to be. But I have to tell you that I have been SO BLESSED as I've seen the grace that He has given to me in my "giving in." I wanted to change. I was SO miserable with myself. He has gently guided me to what He wants for and of me.
If I had it all to do over again. I'd make MANY different choices. I wouldn't let others pressure me into doing & believing things that just didn't work for me and who I was called to be. But, I am thankful that I have a voice to speak. To be able to tell others that it is ok to have beliefs, standards, things you won't give in on.
Let me tell you a bit about the influence I've had the potential of. I've taken care of children since I was 12 years old. I babysat for a neighbor and as I got older, I watched three children all day for the whole week. That was a lot of responsibility as a teen. Then, after marriage we did foster care and I did daycare at various times. We served in our church with young people. I worked in the nursery. We had two children and then adopted two more. Now we have added a daughter-in-law, son-in-law and have four beautiful grandchildren. I want MORE than anything to have a positive influence in their lives. We've had to take some hard steps with our adoptive children. They haven't done well. We tried all we knew and yes, we made mistakes. But that isn't what this is all about. I've learned some things about WHO I've BEEN in the last few years.
THAT is what is important!!! I had standards that I had in place even as a teenager. I had ideals, goals, dreams. I wish I had known then what I know now. All of those ideals, goals and dreams are good; but there are some things that are important to know about these things you have in your head or may have even written down.
Some you need to keep set in concrete and others you need to be willing to sway on. When my husband and I got married, we both had certain ideals. They didn't all match up - imagine that!! It took us WAY too long to learn the art of COMPROMISE. Now, this is a hard one to handle. When you're young, you think everything is a HUGE deal. It's VERY important to think through your list. WHAT has the most value to you?? WHO might be hurt and HOW if you give in on an issue that is important to you.??? WHEN and HOW MUCH giving in is ok?? This one can be tricky. WHY are you giving in??? Is it to "keep a boyfriend?" I did that and paid for it. Is it to keep peace in a relationship??? I did that and ended up going in directions that wounded my soul.
I discovered in the end that when I felt too much shame to face GOD with who I was that I REALLY had a problem. Now, God didn't ask me to feel that shame. It was just the result of not doing things in a way that I knew glorified Him. I knew I'd hurt my witness. I knew I wasn't the woman He created me to be. But I have to tell you that I have been SO BLESSED as I've seen the grace that He has given to me in my "giving in." I wanted to change. I was SO miserable with myself. He has gently guided me to what He wants for and of me.
If I had it all to do over again. I'd make MANY different choices. I wouldn't let others pressure me into doing & believing things that just didn't work for me and who I was called to be. But, I am thankful that I have a voice to speak. To be able to tell others that it is ok to have beliefs, standards, things you won't give in on.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Dating
I realize that dating has changed a lot since I was a young woman. There is a different degree of the need for safety. I came across some of the "bad" and "unsafe" side of dating too. Even phone conversations.... I had a guy that called regularly. We'd talk a bit and then he'd start telling me he could rape me. I don't know WHY I continued to talk to him and even met him at a football game. EXCEPT....
I DO know why. I was incredibly insecure and thought I'd never measure up. I had parents who just couldn't provide what I really needed. It took me MANY years to learn that I have to provide myself with the love God desires for me to feel. I had to learn to look to Him in ways that couldn't be "taught" to me. Some children grow up sensing the love of their parents; I didn't.
I looked to guys to fill that need. Even my marriage was hard for a lot of years. I was still looking for him to fill me up. As I've spent the last few years changing my view of God, marriage, who I am in myself and in God I am blessed to be content with my life.
So, back to dating.... Always meet in public places. In my day the guy came to pick the girl up. I'm glad I met that guy AT the game rather than him picking me up. If someone's mannerisms or talk screams, "GET OUT OF HERE!!" Heed the warning that you heard.
Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. Don't let someone fool you. Use the instinct that God put inside you to know when you are in a good or bad relationship. Women usually have a greater sense of relationships. Use that and stay safe. I'll be writing more on dating; along with marriage, parenting & what it is to grow older.
I DO know why. I was incredibly insecure and thought I'd never measure up. I had parents who just couldn't provide what I really needed. It took me MANY years to learn that I have to provide myself with the love God desires for me to feel. I had to learn to look to Him in ways that couldn't be "taught" to me. Some children grow up sensing the love of their parents; I didn't.
I looked to guys to fill that need. Even my marriage was hard for a lot of years. I was still looking for him to fill me up. As I've spent the last few years changing my view of God, marriage, who I am in myself and in God I am blessed to be content with my life.
So, back to dating.... Always meet in public places. In my day the guy came to pick the girl up. I'm glad I met that guy AT the game rather than him picking me up. If someone's mannerisms or talk screams, "GET OUT OF HERE!!" Heed the warning that you heard.
Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. Don't let someone fool you. Use the instinct that God put inside you to know when you are in a good or bad relationship. Women usually have a greater sense of relationships. Use that and stay safe. I'll be writing more on dating; along with marriage, parenting & what it is to grow older.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Desire To Change This Blog Focus
There have been SO MANY changes in life over the last few years. I'm wanting to get back into blogging again. I want to provide encouragement from some of the things I've learned throughout my life. It certainly hasn't been the mundane "normal" life I envisioned as I grew up. God has been INCREDIBLY FAITHFUL to take me through some really rough times to some not so rough times. Actually, I'm pretty content with my life right now. NOW, don't get me wrong.... There are still some things that are hard, hard, hard in my life. But, I choose not to focus on those. I deal with those issues occasionally. But I refuse to let them be WHO I AM. I believe God wants more out of me than that. SURE WISH I'D UNDERSTOOD THAT at an earlier age.
So, if anyone has things that interest you.... Please share them with me. I have LOTS of ideas but am open (to anything I have a clue about).
So, if anyone has things that interest you.... Please share them with me. I have LOTS of ideas but am open (to anything I have a clue about).
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Looking Forward to Retirement
In October we bought a Yamaha scooter for me. Three days later, I literally "tipped over" when I was stopped because I wanted my husband to take a picture. The result was my tibia broke at the top into four pieces. Surgery and a number of days in the hospital and I was back home. Life had just MAJORLY changed!! My husband had to do SO MUCH for me. It was even difficult to get dressed. He took a LOT of time of work to care for me. What did we learn??? We REALLY LIKE spending time together. The things we had been working on in our relationship were WORKING WELL!! We both have sensed that we are closer to retirement. If we could do it now, it would be GREAT!! In the last four months I've been in a wheelchair, used a walker, been on crutches, one crutch and now use a cane. Muscles don't do well when they haven't been used. I'm experiencing "sore" muscles frequently as I work toward more activity. We have learned a new patience with each other and what is most valuable in life. If housework doesn't get done, it's ok. If I'm in pain, he waits on me. It was hard for him to get back to working regularly again. He's experienced burnout and it was a bit of a break in his routine when he needed to be home. He did work on work as he could when he was home. When I was younger, I wanted all his time. With all we've been through in life, I can leave him alone now so he can focus. Life is still a bit crazy but in a WONDERFUL way. I love our talks. I'm so glad we can talk about what isn't right in our marriage. After all, no marriage or person is perfect. Acceptance of each other as we are has helped us to grow.
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