When you have children, you have dreams for them. We did.... Recently, I've been struck by a song I've been hearing, Dream For You by Casting Crowns. I'll share the lyrics with you & then I'll write on some of the hard things in life.
Hey, David, I hear you've been dreaming
About being a big time shepherd some day
You're gonna prove your brothers wrong
You're gonna sing your shepherd song
To the cattle on a thousand hills
But I've been thinking
I'm having trouble with a giant down the road
You're the one who's going to face him toe to toe
Wipe that grin right off his face
And whip this army into shape
And David, you're right about one thing
Your little shepherd songs are going to make the whole world sing
And I'm gonna make you king
So come on, let Me dream, let Me dream for you
I am strong when you're weak and I'll carry you
So let go of your plan, be caught by My hand
I'll show you what I can do
When I dream for you
I have a dream for you
Hey Mary, I've heard you've been dreaming
Making plans for your big wedding day
You and Joseph are gonna be
The picture perfect family
Maybe a couple of kids down the road
But I've been thinking
Even before time began
I had a picture perfect plan
Of how to save this broken world
Through the life of just one man
I'm gonna send my only Son
And Mary, you're the one
You were right about one thing
You're gonna have that family
And you're gonna raise a King
I'm stronger than you think I am
I'll take you farther than you think you can
You sing and call me Great I Am
So take your stand
My child, if you only knew
All the plans that I have for you
Just trust me, I will follow through
You can follow me
So, here's the thing - Sometimes changes "our" plans in MAJOR & UNEXPECTED WAYS. He's doing that in our home. Life changed so much when we adopted our kiddos. We had been through struggles in our marriage and were at a better place. We expected to be able to keep moving forward. This didn't happen as we expected. Our kids were so much harder to raise than our other kids. We soon discovered it was harder than we expected and the strain was intense. The problems they had were beyond our ability to handle. Older kids grown and on to college. It was clear we needed to figure out how to help the younger ones. We poured ourselves into this and it hurt us. When parents are in too deep, they crash. I was doing that since I was the "stay at home" mom. We discovered our daughter had been abusing our son. Ended up relinquishing to give him a chance. Therapies and meds had been part of our lives for years and this continued. He became aggressive. Long story short; he is in his second boy's home and they want him out. We realize that if two homes that have staff say they can't handle him, how can we. We need to relinquish him too.
As we've come to this point (me long before my husband), we have gone through changes in ourselves and in our marriage. We are growing in ways that we never had before. We still have things to work through but we have realized that there is SO MUCH more in life for us. God is bringing new dreams. New ideas on ministry for us. We accept our limitations better. We understand that God has a plan that we couldn't see. We are still waiting for Him to show us and direct us to what He has for us. This song resonated SO MUCH with me because of all I and we have been processing. We have each had to process things on our own timetable and then when we are both ready, we can process them together.
It has been interesting to come to this point in life of "not planning" our own future. To give it up to God until He directs us. I believe He IS directing us. Just not sure exactly where. The last nine months have been a time to many changes.
Changes??? I broke my leg on October 14. I had surgery on the 15th. My recovery has been more difficult than I could've imagined. I'd broken my ankle over 20 years ago and it was much easier. I've come to terms with my age more - just not as young as I used to be. It was also a worse break. My husband took quite a bit of time off to help me. We have discovered that we enjoy being together more. We laugh at things we never used to. It's been good. And, hey, it's come with some benefits.
My husband has now set a time range for retiring. We are thinking more about how to be prepared to retire. We are changing the way we do some things. I have to chuckle over one of the things that happened. We went to Montana for Thanksgiving. On the way home a deer LITERALLY jumped in front of our van. It was totaled. So what do we do? We buy the SUV that we needed but didn't feel we could afford. Yes, we went from no car payments to having them. But, one of our dreams in retiring is to travel with our trailer. Our suburban was a mess and everytime we went anywhere with it my husband ended up doing repairs on it on the trip. We have traveled quite a bit since I broke my leg; it is never easy on my body. But, we want to see our family. We have more family we want to see and hope to get another trip soon. Or two or three. Can you see that we go with the flow easier. Life is good when we aren't the ones doing all the planning. Going with the flow means that we are more available to be WHO God created us to be. This is one of the biggest blessings that could come out of pain. YES!!! Pain has brought about a deeper desire to be HIS.
