This morning I sent my husband a text to remind him of a couple of things he'd forgotten yesterday. That got me to thinking about nagging. Uh yep, I'm female and I've been guilty of being a nag.

We women usually want to know that we've been heard. It speaks to the CORE of feeling valued. Men, on the other hand, tend to have one-track minds. Once they leave us & go onto the next thing, They totally focus on that. At work, work is the focus. Fixing the car, that's all they're thinking about. Now, I'm OVER exaggerating a bit here. But, it's pretty much the way they are. I used to fight this and EXPECT him to remember me & think about me ALL the time. I mean, he was on my mind almost all the time. Well, God really did create male & female differently. In accepting that, I do much better as a wife. But, I digress....

Back to nagging. How do I know if I'm being a nag??? THAT was so hard for me to figure out. I didn't think I was bringing something up a lot but he was overwhelmed with my input (on SO MANY THINGS). I even tried notes but those got lost. (I really am married to an "absent minded professor" type of guy)

What I finally got was that to nag, I was usually pretty emotionally invested in what is important to me. That was what drove my nagging. When I learned to step back and think things through, it was easier to approach him calmly. Then we had CONVERSATION.... That was what I had longed for in the beginning. We were able to talk back & forth about what was important and actually REMEMBERED better. Amazingly I felt more valued. And he did too.

Sometimes we think something is really important, especially as moms. We have to remember that a dad has his own unique role as a parent. He has his own unique role as the man of the house. I know I didn't understand that when I was younger. A dad does some things different with his children that we moms don't usually do. These things are just as valuable to our little ones. Yep, he may forget some things. But what is he giving that is more important than what he forgot? Just something to keep in mind....

No Regrets

Something has been on my mind a lot lately that I'd like to share. I've made a LOT of mistakes in life. I've hurt others, I've hurt myself and most of all I've hurt my witness as a believer in Christ. I've been trying to narrow down what was at the core. I could go on & on naming all the things I did that were wrong. I've done that enough in my head through. Too much....

Let me tell you a bit about the influence I've had the potential of. I've taken care of children since I was 12 years old. I babysat for a neighbor and as I got older, I watched three children all day for the whole week. That was a lot of responsibility as a teen. Then, after marriage we did foster care and I did daycare at various times. We served in our church with young people. I worked in the nursery. We had two children and then adopted two more. Now we have added a daughter-in-law, son-in-law and have four beautiful grandchildren. I want MORE than anything to have a positive influence in their lives. We've had to take some hard steps with our adoptive children. They haven't done well. We tried all we knew and yes, we made mistakes. But that isn't what this is all about. I've learned some things about WHO I've BEEN in the last few years.

THAT is what is important!!! I had standards that I had in place even as a teenager. I had ideals, goals, dreams. I wish I had known then what I know now. All of those ideals, goals and dreams are good; but there are some things that are important to know about these things you have in your head or may have even written down.

Some you need to keep set in concrete and others you need to be willing to sway on. When my husband and I got married, we both had certain ideals. They didn't all match up - imagine that!! It took us WAY too long to learn the art of COMPROMISE. Now, this is a hard one to handle. When you're young, you think everything is a HUGE deal. It's VERY important to think through your list. WHAT has the most value to you?? WHO might be hurt and HOW if you give in on an issue that is important to you.??? WHEN and HOW MUCH giving in is ok?? This one can be tricky. WHY are you giving in??? Is it to "keep a boyfriend?" I did that and paid for it. Is it to keep peace in a relationship??? I did that and ended up going in directions that wounded my soul.

I discovered in the end that when I felt too much shame to face GOD with who I was that I REALLY had a problem. Now, God didn't ask me to feel that shame. It was just the result of not doing things in a way that I knew glorified Him. I knew I'd hurt my witness. I knew I wasn't the woman He created me to be. But I have to tell you that I have been SO BLESSED as I've seen the grace that He has given to me in my "giving in." I wanted to change. I was SO miserable with myself. He has gently guided me to what He wants for and of me.

If I had it all to do over again. I'd make MANY different choices. I wouldn't let others pressure me into doing & believing things that just didn't work for me and who I was called to be. But, I am thankful that I have a voice to speak. To be able to tell others that it is ok to have beliefs, standards, things you won't give in on.

Dating

I realize that dating has changed a lot since I was a young woman. There is a different degree of the need for safety. I came across some of the "bad" and "unsafe" side of dating too. Even phone conversations.... I had a guy that called regularly. We'd talk a bit and then he'd start telling me he could rape me. I don't know WHY I continued to talk to him and even met him at a football game. EXCEPT....

I DO know why. I was incredibly insecure and thought I'd never measure up. I had parents who just couldn't provide what I really needed. It took me MANY years to learn that I have to provide myself with the love God desires for me to feel. I had to learn to look to Him in ways that couldn't be "taught" to me. Some children grow up sensing the love of their parents; I didn't.

I looked to guys to fill that need. Even my marriage was hard for a lot of years. I was still looking for him to fill me up. As I've spent the last few years changing my view of God, marriage, who I am in myself and in God I am blessed to be content with my life.

So, back to dating.... Always meet in public places. In my day the guy came to pick the girl up. I'm glad I met that guy AT the game rather than him picking me up. If someone's mannerisms or talk screams, "GET OUT OF HERE!!" Heed the warning that you heard.

Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. Don't let someone fool you. Use the instinct that God put inside you to know when you are in a good or bad relationship. Women usually have a greater sense of relationships. Use that and stay safe. I'll be writing more on dating; along with marriage, parenting & what it is to grow older.

Learning to Live Life: Desire To Change This Blog Focus

Learning to Live Life: Desire To Change This Blog Focus

Desire To Change This Blog Focus

There have been SO MANY changes in life over the last few years. I'm wanting to get back into blogging again. I want to provide encouragement from some of the things I've learned throughout my life. It certainly hasn't been the mundane "normal" life I envisioned as I grew up. God has been INCREDIBLY FAITHFUL to take me through some really rough times to some not so rough times. Actually, I'm pretty content with my life right now. NOW, don't get me wrong.... There are still some things that are hard, hard, hard in my life. But, I choose not to focus on those. I deal with those issues occasionally. But I refuse to let them be WHO I AM. I believe God wants more out of me than that. SURE WISH I'D UNDERSTOOD THAT at an earlier age.

So, if anyone has things that interest you.... Please share them with me. I have LOTS of ideas but am open (to anything I have a clue about).