Monday, July 28, 2014
The Challenges of Life
Nine months ago I broke my leg. I was told it would take a year to get back to normal. This has been the biggest physical challenge I've ever had. When I landed on the ground, my first thought was: "I don't know what I just did to myself, but I know God is going to work through this." That is what a lot of challenges throughout my life have come to be about. For many years, I didn't see them that way. I saw them as "problems" rather than "growth" opportunities.
God has taken our marriage through more BIG changes with me "being handicapped." I'm learning to depend on my husband in new ways. We have had some good times of laughing, teasing & joking about "new" things that have been part of our relationship. At first, I had a hard time even getting myself dressed. Believe me, when things change from you adjusting your own clothes to your husband adjusting them for you, you just might say things you never thought you'd say. Being on pain meds probably contributed to me being less inhibited. Well, yeah, they did. But the "fun" has continued. We are more "free" with each other in our communication. There are ways to be honest without insulting when what you have to say can be taken wrong. We both understand better that the other isn't intending to hurt us.
We got a new puppy about the time I was starting to walk better. I also ended up with bronchitis and sat for about a month to keep from coughing. This took me backwards. I've struggled to not focus on being discouraged off & on since then. I have worked to be intentional about keeping my attitude positive. Some days are hard when the puppy has lots of "accidents." Or when we had to travel a lot when I was still in a lot of pain. I wanted to go most of the places we went; it was just hard. The hardest was looking for a new vehicle when our van was totalled by hitting a deer. Yes, the last year has had quite a few challenges. But, it's been good. Now, I mostly deal with sore muscles as I build them back up. This is one area where I really try to tell myself frequently that this is a good sign.
Lately, I've been thinking more & more about what & where God is taking us. I've really been seeing that He is preparing us for Him. What does that mean? Well, for one thing.... If God wants us to move or go forward in some area of ministry, we want to be ready to follow Him. To be ready to be the people that God created, who He has taken through challenges to grow us to be more effective for him. Learning to praise Him in EVERY circumstance. To model Him, so that others can find Him or grow in Him.
My life is different than I thought it would be at the age of 56. I know & understand some things that I didn't think I would. I also know that I have a lot to learn. I'm enjoying that journey.... How about you? Are you enjoying the journey of challenges? Or do you dread them coming/being in your life? I used to; I understand. I just know that I'm having fun as I learn to enjoy the things that are difficult.
God has taken our marriage through more BIG changes with me "being handicapped." I'm learning to depend on my husband in new ways. We have had some good times of laughing, teasing & joking about "new" things that have been part of our relationship. At first, I had a hard time even getting myself dressed. Believe me, when things change from you adjusting your own clothes to your husband adjusting them for you, you just might say things you never thought you'd say. Being on pain meds probably contributed to me being less inhibited. Well, yeah, they did. But the "fun" has continued. We are more "free" with each other in our communication. There are ways to be honest without insulting when what you have to say can be taken wrong. We both understand better that the other isn't intending to hurt us.
We got a new puppy about the time I was starting to walk better. I also ended up with bronchitis and sat for about a month to keep from coughing. This took me backwards. I've struggled to not focus on being discouraged off & on since then. I have worked to be intentional about keeping my attitude positive. Some days are hard when the puppy has lots of "accidents." Or when we had to travel a lot when I was still in a lot of pain. I wanted to go most of the places we went; it was just hard. The hardest was looking for a new vehicle when our van was totalled by hitting a deer. Yes, the last year has had quite a few challenges. But, it's been good. Now, I mostly deal with sore muscles as I build them back up. This is one area where I really try to tell myself frequently that this is a good sign.
Lately, I've been thinking more & more about what & where God is taking us. I've really been seeing that He is preparing us for Him. What does that mean? Well, for one thing.... If God wants us to move or go forward in some area of ministry, we want to be ready to follow Him. To be ready to be the people that God created, who He has taken through challenges to grow us to be more effective for him. Learning to praise Him in EVERY circumstance. To model Him, so that others can find Him or grow in Him.
My life is different than I thought it would be at the age of 56. I know & understand some things that I didn't think I would. I also know that I have a lot to learn. I'm enjoying that journey.... How about you? Are you enjoying the journey of challenges? Or do you dread them coming/being in your life? I used to; I understand. I just know that I'm having fun as I learn to enjoy the things that are difficult.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Connection to Facebook - My Blogs
<style type="text/css" media="screen"> .gr_grid_container { /* customize grid container div here. eg: width: 500px; */ } .gr_grid_book_container { /* customize book cover container div here */ float: left; width: 39px; height: 60px; padding: 0px 0px; overflow: hidden; } </style><div id="gr_grid_widget_1405029255"><!-- Show static html as a placeholder in case js is not enabled - javascript include will override this if things work --> <div id="gr_group_widget_44706">
<div style="border: 2px solid #EBE8D5; border-radius:10px; padding: 10px">
<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/44706-share-your-blogs?utm_medium=api&utm_source=group_widget" style="font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;color: #666600;font-size:14px;">Share your Blogs!'s bookshelf: read</a> <br style="clear:both"/>
<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/44706-share-your-blogs?utm_medium=api&utm_source=group_widget" style="float: left; padding-right: 10px" title="Share your Blogs!"><img alt="Share your Blogs!" border="0" src="https://d.gr-assets.com/groups/1298834984p3/44706.jpg" width="75" /></a> <span style="color: #999;font-size:0.8em">1677 members<br/></span>
<span style="font-size:0.8em">Do you have a blog that you would like more people to visit? Well post the link and tell us about...</span><br style="clear:both"/>
<div class="gr_grid_container">
<h3>Books we've read</h3>
<br style="clear: both"/><br/><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/44706-share-your-blogs?utm_medium=api&utm_source=group_widget" class="gr_grid_branding" style="font-size: .9em; color: #382110; text-decoration: none; float: right; clear: both">View this group on Goodreads »</a>
<noscript><br/>Share <a href="http://www.goodreads.com">book reviews</a> and ratings with Share your Blogs!, and even join a <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/group/">book club</a> on Goodreads.</noscript>
<br style="clear: both"/>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div><script src="https://www.goodreads.com/group/widget/44706.Share%20your%20Blogs!'s%20bookshelf:%20read?cover_size=small&num_books=12&order=a&shelf=read&sort=date_added&widget_id=1405029255" type="text/javascript" charset="utf-8"></script>
<div style="border: 2px solid #EBE8D5; border-radius:10px; padding: 10px">
<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/44706-share-your-blogs?utm_medium=api&utm_source=group_widget" style="font-family:verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif;color: #666600;font-size:14px;">Share your Blogs!'s bookshelf: read</a> <br style="clear:both"/>
<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/44706-share-your-blogs?utm_medium=api&utm_source=group_widget" style="float: left; padding-right: 10px" title="Share your Blogs!"><img alt="Share your Blogs!" border="0" src="https://d.gr-assets.com/groups/1298834984p3/44706.jpg" width="75" /></a> <span style="color: #999;font-size:0.8em">1677 members<br/></span>
<span style="font-size:0.8em">Do you have a blog that you would like more people to visit? Well post the link and tell us about...</span><br style="clear:both"/>
<div class="gr_grid_container">
<h3>Books we've read</h3>
<br style="clear: both"/><br/><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/44706-share-your-blogs?utm_medium=api&utm_source=group_widget" class="gr_grid_branding" style="font-size: .9em; color: #382110; text-decoration: none; float: right; clear: both">View this group on Goodreads »</a>
<noscript><br/>Share <a href="http://www.goodreads.com">book reviews</a> and ratings with Share your Blogs!, and even join a <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/group/">book club</a> on Goodreads.</noscript>
<br style="clear: both"/>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div><script src="https://www.goodreads.com/group/widget/44706.Share%20your%20Blogs!'s%20bookshelf:%20read?cover_size=small&num_books=12&order=a&shelf=read&sort=date_added&widget_id=1405029255" type="text/javascript" charset="utf-8"></script>
Friday, May 23, 2014
Avoiding Fights In Marriage
I've been thinking about changes in marriage. One of the things that my husband had problems with for a long time was fighting. We don't fight anymore. Do we have problems to solve? Yes. Do we agree on everything? No Do we feel intense emotions at times? Yes. We've been married over 30 years and we have been through a lot of very hard things. But, we enjoy life together more now than ever.
How do we avoid fighting, you may ask? I'm going to give you tips that I have learned. But first, I'd like to share with you things that you may want to look at. I had to take a look at my past and work through how I grew up. I also had things that were hard as an adult that I've looked at and am still working through. It takes time to process things from the past. Gradually, I've become more comfortable with who I am as I've faced what I came from. My husband had things he needed to face too, but it was harder for him to look at them. He has looked at these things in more recent years. I started the process early in our marriage. With both of us seeing our past in a new light, it has been easier. Now, I couldn't MAKE him look at his life. I tried that.
One of the things we have had to face in our marriage is our emotional struggles. I became depressed very early in our marriage. I needed medication. This isn't the case for all people. Some choose to try natural methods for aiding with the emotions. I tried that for awhile too. All I know is that sometimes it can make a big difference if your body/brain are in sync. My husband was diagnosed with ADD a few years ago. Meds for this has been very helpful in his ability to process & focus.
If one or the other person won't compromise, this can create problems. Both of us tended to think we were right and knew the best way to do things. When we finally realized that the other person had valuable input, it was much easier to talk through how to handle what we were struggling with. Sometimes we need to compromise and other times we just need to understand the other person. It might be a need that the other person has. It might be that you are doing something that is a trigger. You may not even know that it triggers something in your spouse. Most of the time, we can adjust out of love for the other person. Both of us have worked on doing this. This helps to heal wounds in the heart & soul.
I learned that it was best to not respond in the instant moment of my anger. I took time to cool down and to process what was bothering me. I have to be careful to not rile myself up more. I've discovered that timing my need to talk to my husband is a bit tricky. I need to cool down but if I avoid the problem too long, my emotions build. Not every situation is the same in how I need to time it. I need to keep a check on my emotions and I also need to pay attention to where my husband is too. I have found it's best to have already tried to think through my husband's side of whatever issue I'm wanting to talk about.
Now, there are a couple of things that help the ability to talk. I try to look for timing and to approach gently. My husband usually asks if it's a good time for me to talk. It is easy to start making accusations and blame the other person. When I can describe how I feel in a situation, it takes some of the pressure off my husband. When we can ask questions from what we heard to hear better & more, communication is calmer. Sometimes I have to hear him, even if I'm the one who approached.
I've learned that when we apply these principles we live life with a better understanding of each other. We don't fight. We live together with the same goals. And it is easier to be patient when the other person isn't at the same place you are at. Enjoy your life, it's shorter than you think.
How do we avoid fighting, you may ask? I'm going to give you tips that I have learned. But first, I'd like to share with you things that you may want to look at. I had to take a look at my past and work through how I grew up. I also had things that were hard as an adult that I've looked at and am still working through. It takes time to process things from the past. Gradually, I've become more comfortable with who I am as I've faced what I came from. My husband had things he needed to face too, but it was harder for him to look at them. He has looked at these things in more recent years. I started the process early in our marriage. With both of us seeing our past in a new light, it has been easier. Now, I couldn't MAKE him look at his life. I tried that.
One of the things we have had to face in our marriage is our emotional struggles. I became depressed very early in our marriage. I needed medication. This isn't the case for all people. Some choose to try natural methods for aiding with the emotions. I tried that for awhile too. All I know is that sometimes it can make a big difference if your body/brain are in sync. My husband was diagnosed with ADD a few years ago. Meds for this has been very helpful in his ability to process & focus.
If one or the other person won't compromise, this can create problems. Both of us tended to think we were right and knew the best way to do things. When we finally realized that the other person had valuable input, it was much easier to talk through how to handle what we were struggling with. Sometimes we need to compromise and other times we just need to understand the other person. It might be a need that the other person has. It might be that you are doing something that is a trigger. You may not even know that it triggers something in your spouse. Most of the time, we can adjust out of love for the other person. Both of us have worked on doing this. This helps to heal wounds in the heart & soul.
I learned that it was best to not respond in the instant moment of my anger. I took time to cool down and to process what was bothering me. I have to be careful to not rile myself up more. I've discovered that timing my need to talk to my husband is a bit tricky. I need to cool down but if I avoid the problem too long, my emotions build. Not every situation is the same in how I need to time it. I need to keep a check on my emotions and I also need to pay attention to where my husband is too. I have found it's best to have already tried to think through my husband's side of whatever issue I'm wanting to talk about.
Now, there are a couple of things that help the ability to talk. I try to look for timing and to approach gently. My husband usually asks if it's a good time for me to talk. It is easy to start making accusations and blame the other person. When I can describe how I feel in a situation, it takes some of the pressure off my husband. When we can ask questions from what we heard to hear better & more, communication is calmer. Sometimes I have to hear him, even if I'm the one who approached.
I've learned that when we apply these principles we live life with a better understanding of each other. We don't fight. We live together with the same goals. And it is easier to be patient when the other person isn't at the same place you are at. Enjoy your life, it's shorter than you think.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
This morning I sent my husband a text to remind him of a couple of things he'd forgotten yesterday. That got me to thinking about nagging. Uh yep, I'm female and I've been guilty of being a nag.
We women usually want to know that we've been heard. It speaks to the CORE of feeling valued. Men, on the other hand, tend to have one-track minds. Once they leave us & go onto the next thing, They totally focus on that. At work, work is the focus. Fixing the car, that's all they're thinking about. Now, I'm OVER exaggerating a bit here. But, it's pretty much the way they are. I used to fight this and EXPECT him to remember me & think about me ALL the time. I mean, he was on my mind almost all the time. Well, God really did create male & female differently. In accepting that, I do much better as a wife. But, I digress....
Back to nagging. How do I know if I'm being a nag??? THAT was so hard for me to figure out. I didn't think I was bringing something up a lot but he was overwhelmed with my input (on SO MANY THINGS). I even tried notes but those got lost. (I really am married to an "absent minded professor" type of guy)
What I finally got was that to nag, I was usually pretty emotionally invested in what is important to me. That was what drove my nagging. When I learned to step back and think things through, it was easier to approach him calmly. Then we had CONVERSATION.... That was what I had longed for in the beginning. We were able to talk back & forth about what was important and actually REMEMBERED better. Amazingly I felt more valued. And he did too.
Sometimes we think something is really important, especially as moms. We have to remember that a dad has his own unique role as a parent. He has his own unique role as the man of the house. I know I didn't understand that when I was younger. A dad does some things different with his children that we moms don't usually do. These things are just as valuable to our little ones. Yep, he may forget some things. But what is he giving that is more important than what he forgot? Just something to keep in mind....
We women usually want to know that we've been heard. It speaks to the CORE of feeling valued. Men, on the other hand, tend to have one-track minds. Once they leave us & go onto the next thing, They totally focus on that. At work, work is the focus. Fixing the car, that's all they're thinking about. Now, I'm OVER exaggerating a bit here. But, it's pretty much the way they are. I used to fight this and EXPECT him to remember me & think about me ALL the time. I mean, he was on my mind almost all the time. Well, God really did create male & female differently. In accepting that, I do much better as a wife. But, I digress....
Back to nagging. How do I know if I'm being a nag??? THAT was so hard for me to figure out. I didn't think I was bringing something up a lot but he was overwhelmed with my input (on SO MANY THINGS). I even tried notes but those got lost. (I really am married to an "absent minded professor" type of guy)
What I finally got was that to nag, I was usually pretty emotionally invested in what is important to me. That was what drove my nagging. When I learned to step back and think things through, it was easier to approach him calmly. Then we had CONVERSATION.... That was what I had longed for in the beginning. We were able to talk back & forth about what was important and actually REMEMBERED better. Amazingly I felt more valued. And he did too.
Sometimes we think something is really important, especially as moms. We have to remember that a dad has his own unique role as a parent. He has his own unique role as the man of the house. I know I didn't understand that when I was younger. A dad does some things different with his children that we moms don't usually do. These things are just as valuable to our little ones. Yep, he may forget some things. But what is he giving that is more important than what he forgot? Just something to keep in mind....
Sunday, April 27, 2014
No Regrets
Something has been on my mind a lot lately that I'd like to share. I've made a LOT of mistakes in life. I've hurt others, I've hurt myself and most of all I've hurt my witness as a believer in Christ. I've been trying to narrow down what was at the core. I could go on & on naming all the things I did that were wrong. I've done that enough in my head through. Too much....
Let me tell you a bit about the influence I've had the potential of. I've taken care of children since I was 12 years old. I babysat for a neighbor and as I got older, I watched three children all day for the whole week. That was a lot of responsibility as a teen. Then, after marriage we did foster care and I did daycare at various times. We served in our church with young people. I worked in the nursery. We had two children and then adopted two more. Now we have added a daughter-in-law, son-in-law and have four beautiful grandchildren. I want MORE than anything to have a positive influence in their lives. We've had to take some hard steps with our adoptive children. They haven't done well. We tried all we knew and yes, we made mistakes. But that isn't what this is all about. I've learned some things about WHO I've BEEN in the last few years.
THAT is what is important!!! I had standards that I had in place even as a teenager. I had ideals, goals, dreams. I wish I had known then what I know now. All of those ideals, goals and dreams are good; but there are some things that are important to know about these things you have in your head or may have even written down.
Some you need to keep set in concrete and others you need to be willing to sway on. When my husband and I got married, we both had certain ideals. They didn't all match up - imagine that!! It took us WAY too long to learn the art of COMPROMISE. Now, this is a hard one to handle. When you're young, you think everything is a HUGE deal. It's VERY important to think through your list. WHAT has the most value to you?? WHO might be hurt and HOW if you give in on an issue that is important to you.??? WHEN and HOW MUCH giving in is ok?? This one can be tricky. WHY are you giving in??? Is it to "keep a boyfriend?" I did that and paid for it. Is it to keep peace in a relationship??? I did that and ended up going in directions that wounded my soul.
I discovered in the end that when I felt too much shame to face GOD with who I was that I REALLY had a problem. Now, God didn't ask me to feel that shame. It was just the result of not doing things in a way that I knew glorified Him. I knew I'd hurt my witness. I knew I wasn't the woman He created me to be. But I have to tell you that I have been SO BLESSED as I've seen the grace that He has given to me in my "giving in." I wanted to change. I was SO miserable with myself. He has gently guided me to what He wants for and of me.
If I had it all to do over again. I'd make MANY different choices. I wouldn't let others pressure me into doing & believing things that just didn't work for me and who I was called to be. But, I am thankful that I have a voice to speak. To be able to tell others that it is ok to have beliefs, standards, things you won't give in on.
Let me tell you a bit about the influence I've had the potential of. I've taken care of children since I was 12 years old. I babysat for a neighbor and as I got older, I watched three children all day for the whole week. That was a lot of responsibility as a teen. Then, after marriage we did foster care and I did daycare at various times. We served in our church with young people. I worked in the nursery. We had two children and then adopted two more. Now we have added a daughter-in-law, son-in-law and have four beautiful grandchildren. I want MORE than anything to have a positive influence in their lives. We've had to take some hard steps with our adoptive children. They haven't done well. We tried all we knew and yes, we made mistakes. But that isn't what this is all about. I've learned some things about WHO I've BEEN in the last few years.
THAT is what is important!!! I had standards that I had in place even as a teenager. I had ideals, goals, dreams. I wish I had known then what I know now. All of those ideals, goals and dreams are good; but there are some things that are important to know about these things you have in your head or may have even written down.
Some you need to keep set in concrete and others you need to be willing to sway on. When my husband and I got married, we both had certain ideals. They didn't all match up - imagine that!! It took us WAY too long to learn the art of COMPROMISE. Now, this is a hard one to handle. When you're young, you think everything is a HUGE deal. It's VERY important to think through your list. WHAT has the most value to you?? WHO might be hurt and HOW if you give in on an issue that is important to you.??? WHEN and HOW MUCH giving in is ok?? This one can be tricky. WHY are you giving in??? Is it to "keep a boyfriend?" I did that and paid for it. Is it to keep peace in a relationship??? I did that and ended up going in directions that wounded my soul.
I discovered in the end that when I felt too much shame to face GOD with who I was that I REALLY had a problem. Now, God didn't ask me to feel that shame. It was just the result of not doing things in a way that I knew glorified Him. I knew I'd hurt my witness. I knew I wasn't the woman He created me to be. But I have to tell you that I have been SO BLESSED as I've seen the grace that He has given to me in my "giving in." I wanted to change. I was SO miserable with myself. He has gently guided me to what He wants for and of me.
If I had it all to do over again. I'd make MANY different choices. I wouldn't let others pressure me into doing & believing things that just didn't work for me and who I was called to be. But, I am thankful that I have a voice to speak. To be able to tell others that it is ok to have beliefs, standards, things you won't give in on.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Dating
I realize that dating has changed a lot since I was a young woman. There is a different degree of the need for safety. I came across some of the "bad" and "unsafe" side of dating too. Even phone conversations.... I had a guy that called regularly. We'd talk a bit and then he'd start telling me he could rape me. I don't know WHY I continued to talk to him and even met him at a football game. EXCEPT....
I DO know why. I was incredibly insecure and thought I'd never measure up. I had parents who just couldn't provide what I really needed. It took me MANY years to learn that I have to provide myself with the love God desires for me to feel. I had to learn to look to Him in ways that couldn't be "taught" to me. Some children grow up sensing the love of their parents; I didn't.
I looked to guys to fill that need. Even my marriage was hard for a lot of years. I was still looking for him to fill me up. As I've spent the last few years changing my view of God, marriage, who I am in myself and in God I am blessed to be content with my life.
So, back to dating.... Always meet in public places. In my day the guy came to pick the girl up. I'm glad I met that guy AT the game rather than him picking me up. If someone's mannerisms or talk screams, "GET OUT OF HERE!!" Heed the warning that you heard.
Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. Don't let someone fool you. Use the instinct that God put inside you to know when you are in a good or bad relationship. Women usually have a greater sense of relationships. Use that and stay safe. I'll be writing more on dating; along with marriage, parenting & what it is to grow older.
I DO know why. I was incredibly insecure and thought I'd never measure up. I had parents who just couldn't provide what I really needed. It took me MANY years to learn that I have to provide myself with the love God desires for me to feel. I had to learn to look to Him in ways that couldn't be "taught" to me. Some children grow up sensing the love of their parents; I didn't.
I looked to guys to fill that need. Even my marriage was hard for a lot of years. I was still looking for him to fill me up. As I've spent the last few years changing my view of God, marriage, who I am in myself and in God I am blessed to be content with my life.
So, back to dating.... Always meet in public places. In my day the guy came to pick the girl up. I'm glad I met that guy AT the game rather than him picking me up. If someone's mannerisms or talk screams, "GET OUT OF HERE!!" Heed the warning that you heard.
Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. Don't let someone fool you. Use the instinct that God put inside you to know when you are in a good or bad relationship. Women usually have a greater sense of relationships. Use that and stay safe. I'll be writing more on dating; along with marriage, parenting & what it is to grow older.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)