No Regrets

Something has been on my mind a lot lately that I'd like to share. I've made a LOT of mistakes in life. I've hurt others, I've hurt myself and most of all I've hurt my witness as a believer in Christ. I've been trying to narrow down what was at the core. I could go on & on naming all the things I did that were wrong. I've done that enough in my head through. Too much....

Let me tell you a bit about the influence I've had the potential of. I've taken care of children since I was 12 years old. I babysat for a neighbor and as I got older, I watched three children all day for the whole week. That was a lot of responsibility as a teen. Then, after marriage we did foster care and I did daycare at various times. We served in our church with young people. I worked in the nursery. We had two children and then adopted two more. Now we have added a daughter-in-law, son-in-law and have four beautiful grandchildren. I want MORE than anything to have a positive influence in their lives. We've had to take some hard steps with our adoptive children. They haven't done well. We tried all we knew and yes, we made mistakes. But that isn't what this is all about. I've learned some things about WHO I've BEEN in the last few years.

THAT is what is important!!! I had standards that I had in place even as a teenager. I had ideals, goals, dreams. I wish I had known then what I know now. All of those ideals, goals and dreams are good; but there are some things that are important to know about these things you have in your head or may have even written down.

Some you need to keep set in concrete and others you need to be willing to sway on. When my husband and I got married, we both had certain ideals. They didn't all match up - imagine that!! It took us WAY too long to learn the art of COMPROMISE. Now, this is a hard one to handle. When you're young, you think everything is a HUGE deal. It's VERY important to think through your list. WHAT has the most value to you?? WHO might be hurt and HOW if you give in on an issue that is important to you.??? WHEN and HOW MUCH giving in is ok?? This one can be tricky. WHY are you giving in??? Is it to "keep a boyfriend?" I did that and paid for it. Is it to keep peace in a relationship??? I did that and ended up going in directions that wounded my soul.

I discovered in the end that when I felt too much shame to face GOD with who I was that I REALLY had a problem. Now, God didn't ask me to feel that shame. It was just the result of not doing things in a way that I knew glorified Him. I knew I'd hurt my witness. I knew I wasn't the woman He created me to be. But I have to tell you that I have been SO BLESSED as I've seen the grace that He has given to me in my "giving in." I wanted to change. I was SO miserable with myself. He has gently guided me to what He wants for and of me.

If I had it all to do over again. I'd make MANY different choices. I wouldn't let others pressure me into doing & believing things that just didn't work for me and who I was called to be. But, I am thankful that I have a voice to speak. To be able to tell others that it is ok to have beliefs, standards, things you won't give in on.